The Parental Blame Game

Part of the reason I became so interested in helping parents with their addicted children, especially those in recovery is because I am the daughter of an alcoholic and the monther of one! Sandwitched inbetween with my own addiciton problem I can say I have looked at "clouds from both sides now, from up and down and still somehow, life's illusions I recall, I really don't know clouds (addicition recovery) at all." 

I know my own recovery and what worked for me. I know what helped me move forward, my mother in recovery herself, and my daughter in and out of recovery and so dear to me. It runs in our family, our very DNA, but the good thing is - so does recovery! If you want to know my story, it was published in "in-Recovery Magazine" fall of 2014. I hope you enjoy.

My Story as it appeared in in-Recovery Magazine, Fall 2014

My seventeen-year-old daughter’s face looked ashen. Why wasn’t she happy to see me after two weeks in a treatment center? Her crestfallen demeanor concerned me.

“Honey,” I asked, “what’s wrong? I know addiction treatment isn’t fun.”

“No, it’s not that. I like it here . . .” she hesitated. “It’s just that you wrote the book they gave us here in treatment.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“Well, the psychiatrist called me in, and said it was a joke on you – that you wrote the book, and now your daughter is an alcoholic.” Read more...

Talk to children about drug abuse -

It is always wise to remind parents to talk to their kids about drugs. It is a revolving educational wheel. Each year new parent's have have that reach the teen years and so each year we have to tell them the same thing we told parents last year. When we talk to our kids, the main thing is to make it real. If you used drugs, talk about it. Be open and honest and share your concerns. Let them know what is acceptable and what is not. And most of all--do not threaten. If you have a boundary they cannot cross, let them know and enforce it. Don't make threats you will not carry out. Kids are smarter than you think. And if you are talking about now, they probably have already experimented. So let them know what you think and ask them what they think. You probably won't stop them from experimenting, but at least they know they can talk to you.

Talk to children about drug abuse - Bowling Green Daily News: Features: "Continue talking through adolescence,” she said. “It is important they become aware of your concerns and know how you feel. Plus, it’s always healthy and beneficial to communicate calmly and clearly. Initiate an open dialog, and be sure to listen to what they have to say – despite the fact that the subject matter may make you uncomfortable.”"



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Drugs, near death and a miraculous second chance for a 28 years old

Addicted to pankillers at age 20--he found reocvery by 28--an inspiring story.




Drugs, near death and a miraculous second chance for Midland Beach man -- in his own words | SILive.com: "The doctors saw that I was in pain, and prescribed painkillers.  It started off with Vicodin, and then Percocet.  I kept periodically upping my dose until the amount of medicine I needed increased."

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Sober Sensations | Alcoholics Anonymous International Convention 2015

Going to be LOTS of sober entertainment at Sober City in Atlanta this July. The AA international is there and I have a booth to sell books! You can buy books, then listen to music, catch a meeting, and then watch a movie--peek at what they have and plan to come!

Sober Sensations | Alcoholics Anonymous International Convention 2015: "Sober City at The Atlanta Tabernacle : 152 Luckie St NW, Atlanta, GA 30303"



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Commentary: The Power of Support Groups -for Parents!

Many of thsoe in recovery from various addictions udnerstand how strong the support group is for support and direction. But it is less well understood how important the groups are for family members affected by the disease. Tehy think, "They've got the problem, not me." And they don't seek support for themselves. But being able to offer the best best help for your kids often depends on you learning what works and what doesn't. That is why my brother and I put together the workbook for parents, "Sober Coaching Your Teen." You can get it from Amazon or at our site--at our site, there are a lot of free downloads and interesting articles. Join together has an interesting article on the power of support groups for parents.

Commentary: The Power of Support Groups - Partnership for Drug-Free Kids: "“I have attended parent support group meetings since 2010. When my husband and I were in the darkest place of our lives, we didn’t even realize how much we needed to be with people who had a shared experience. Nearly five years later, we are still active in our support group, and the men and women we have met in those rooms are some of our closest friends today. I do not know where we would be without that group."

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The Real Definition of Relapse and Why this one doesn't work

This is what one organization wants to say about relaspe--they "redefine" the word or lets say "spin" the word to make sure that kids and parents don't feel bad about treatment not working. Here is the upshot of this article:

The Real Definition of Relapse and Why it Matters: "a lapse in his abstinence, but did he relapse? Many families find it useful to distinguish between a “slip” or a “lapse” as an instance of substance use by someone who has a goal of abstinence and a “relapse” as a return to the pre-treatment pattern of substance use. When someone has fully relapsed, they slide back towards the heavy and frequent us"

So all concerned have a new way to look at this--have the kids using out of treatment "fully relasped?" Or have they only partly relasped? The article says if its partly, then lets call it a "slip" and if they fully relaspe, then we'll call it a relaspe. I pondered this approach for ahwile--chewed on the distinction. Other then the fact they don't want people to think treatment doesn't work (my assessment) they explain "If they believe Jacob’s one night of drinking is a relapse, it is easy to feel that all hope is lost, that all gains from treatment have been thrown away." I simply don't understand why they don't say--"Hey, you relasped! But its only one night, Get back on that horse and get back in touch with your support group and begin again." Instead, they want to say, "well, its not really a failure, its just a setback--don't consider it relaspe--just a little slip. Its OK to use now and again as long as you don't go back into full blown addiction."



The author explains that reframing this word allows the parents to escape the "overwhelming terror of the moment." My assessment is that it allows them to not face the facts--treatment for teens in an all teen setting is likely to make addiction worse, not better. One of the reasons is the sugar coating we see from Teen Treatment centers like this--addiction is not really addiciton, relaspse is not really realaspe--parents and kids will drop into despair if you don't sugarcoat every aspect of the disease...



I think this looks at parents as helpless and hapless and I also think it takes the responsiblity of recovery away from the only one who can recover--the teen themselves.



So, do I think reframing "relaspe" is a good idea? I think kids are smarter than that--if they are going to use again, they will--regardless of what you tell the parents to call it--relaspe, slip, failed sobriety, using, setbacks, --taking a mind affecting chemical means one thing, you have activated your disease again--and calling it by a different name doesn't make your disease less dangerous or treatment more effective..









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